friday morning thoughts

I use Blue's Clues to bridge the morning gap between Pirate's wakefulness and mine.

Lately I feel like it's all  I can do to just tread water. My house is a disaster. My grades are sliding. Pirate is more demanding of my time and energy and patience and love than he has ever been in his life, and I am continually exhausted.

I said I wanted to "expand" this year, and I am. I just was failing to realize that expanding requires stretching, and I am being stretched to what feels like my very limits.

This morning, while I was reading THIS (thank you, thank you, thank you Jenny) I heard Blue's Clues end. I knew I only had a few more seconds, but I decided to keep reading. Then I heard a thud in the kitchen, but no crying, so I kept reading. Then, Pirate came toddling up to me dragging a full bag of apples, saying "Momma, Momma!"

"Pirate, do you want an apple?"
He jumped up and down, and said, "Yeah!!"

A minute later, he's on my lap and we're sharing an apple.

I love this little boy, and sometimes I feel how inadequate I am as a parent to him. I try. I fail. I try again...

Mothering is hard.

And yesterday, I had an Ah-Ha! moment. There is a girl across the street. She loves babies. I talked to her mom, and I think starting next week I'm going to have a helper. She can entertain the Pirate and hopefully I can get some cleaning & school work done. Win-win.