Thursday, February 3, 2011

screaming & crying: me not the baby

This is the title of the post I hand wrote
in my journal sometime around 5 am this morning.

That post went on to basically say
I am tired.
I am tired.
I am so freaking tired.

There isn't an hour on the clock
I wasn't up to see last night.
And the couple nights before
were a similar story.
(The "It Happened!" post was a scheduled post.)
(As basically all my posts are these days.)

All of the above is true.
So, so true.

But I felt the need to change the post a bit.
At 5 am it was a rant.
Now, at 7, I'm a bit more composed.

I am feeling the Love
of my Father in Heaven.

I spent much of the night begging
Him to let me,
to let the babe & me sleep.
With each hour that I was up,
(and I was up every. single. hour.)
(sometimes twice & three times)
my prayer became even more whiney,
and cry-y, and
for the love already!
Please! PLEASE!!??

Around 6, all hope of sleep was gone.
Instead of begging for sleep,
I pleaded for strength.

He is lending me His strength.
I feel it.
There are angels around me.
I feel them.

This whole
Hubby on the other side of the world,
taking care of a baby on my own
is up there in the


Sam said...

I'm praying for you. You are in my thoughts, and I understand at least part of how you feel. Wish I could give you a hug and tell you that it will pass. You are a good Mom. You are there to get up with the little guy, snuggle him and love him. Good job.

Rachel Sue said...

It will get easier. Which doesn't help much right now. But it will. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Laurie said...

Come take a nap at my house!! :)

Kelly L said...

It does get better.

Stay strong.
I've Become My Mother

Aunt Merrilee said...

What sweet posts I found just now on your blog. You are so sweet and your family is lucky to have you and the little man. Including me in that family. You are doing such a good job at being a single mom. You are patient and loving and kind. All of which he needs right now. It will get better I promise. But you are so lucky to have your angels around you. I pray you will have a good night tonight. I'm sorry my afternoon got away from me I hope T. was able to come and help you. Love you