That was me today.
I'd like to say that I have grown up some. I didn't lay on my bed a cry. I made dinner instead. Even though I have 5 quarts of pasta salad and half a dozen deviled eggs, cream-cheese cracker dip, and fruit salad in my fridge... you know things that were supposed to be eaten today. At my party. That one person came to. One of the 9 on the guest list.
It pretty much sums up my Colorado experience. I'm not gonna lie. I mean, the other 8 are friends of mine, and they all had very good reasons that they were unable to make it... but STILL. I should probably do something like Count My Blessings instead of wallowing in this sludge of self-pity today... but STILL. It kind of seems like maybe I'm not supposed to have a good girlfriend group here.
Days like this have me hurting bad for yesteryear... and my Arizona ward girls. The ones that we all read the same books together, and played Bunco together, and did workout videos at each others houses, and had random, last minute GNOs together. Bouffanting our hair, and laughing over Chipotle until 1AM...
It took a little while to find a similar kind of bond in Utah -but I found it... a group of girls that I felt close to... Who I love(d) and I knew loved me. Girls I could be silly and serious with... friends who will be my friends for the rest of my life.
And here... we've been here for a little over 2 years now, and I still haven't found it. The ward is very nice, don't get me wrong... And I have a friend here and a friend there that I really connect with... but these women already have friend groups that don't really need/ have a lot of time for new additions. So while I see these women fairly regularly, and I SO enjoy the time I get to have with them... Its still different.
And please, PLEASE don't comment about how "you really have to be the one to put yourself out there." Because I. HAVE. PUT. MYSELF. OUT. THERE. Time and again. And again. And again. How do you think I even found 9 people here!? I'm a military wife. We know how to find and make friends... But there is a difference between a friend and a friend. You know?
Maybe this is part of growing up. Maybe I'm not supposed to get to "go out with the girls" more than once every three or four months. Maybe I've entered that time where my family needs/ deserves/ gets 99.9% of my attention. Maybe I need to just learn how to not need friends within so many miles of me...