Thursday, February 7, 2013

infertility round two

I seem to be surrounded with pregnancy these days.

A few years ago seeing pregnant women was emotionally, almost physically painful. Life seemed so bleak and unfair. I doubted that I'd ever get to join the ranks of motherhood. I doubted I'd ever get the privileges and quiet joys of Pregnancy -a club I desperately wanted a membership to. Month after month hope fell into disappointment.

That part is still the same. The hope to disappointment cycle. This time though... the hope is heavier. I think the difference is gratitude. I have one. I got to carry him. I got to feel him growing and kicking inside of me. I had the privilege of giving birth.  If I'm not blessed with another one, at least I have him.

Along with the gratitude has come a greater peace. We're still considering adoption. We're not real confident that we'll be able to have another miracle-baby, but there is a peace that I couldn't feel before. What will be, will be.

We just have to wait on the Lord to show us His will.

I'm not real good at waiting.


Adri said...

Oh, Heather...I will be praying for you. At this point, it is hard to believe (and sometimes hard to remember) that I have had my own (comparatively) small battle with infertility. So, I know something of the pain of waiting, the seeming endless wait between cycles, the feeling of heartache and "what a waste" that comes with miscarriage, and the fervency of prayers for an elusive righteous desire. It is hard. I'm glad you have hope. Keep hanging on to it!

Rachel Ward said...

Waiting is hard. It just is. Love you.

kemra said...

Love you!

Momza said...

I just want you to know, I love you. You're a lovely mother to W. and I know that our Heavenly Father is in control of all of this...having been on the other end of "fertility" and about having a nervous breakdown because the babies just kept coming DESPITE my birth control efforts! I came to the same conclusion: God is in control.
Neil Maxwell said, "Faith in God includes faith in His Timing."

angiedunn said...

my heart goes out to you, heather,
as i am experiencing similar you!!

thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind, thoughtful comment you posted on my blog. that meant so much to me, especially coming from someone like you: who i respect & admire so much. thank you for your friendship & was so needed & and greatly appreciated. ♥

Aunt Merrilee said...

I am so happy the pirate was sent to this family. He is such a blessing. My heart aches for you in your trials to conceive. And I hope you get some comfort knowing you Heavenly Father loves you and hears your prayers. On a silly note don't know if the little pirate is "ready" yet! Love You.

KennaKee said...

My heart goes out to you and your family Heather! You are one of the most beautiful people on the inside and out that I know!!! May God bless you with more peace and an abundance of blessings that will help you and your family on your journey. HUGS <3