Monday, May 28, 2012

lonely road

Last night at book group the ladies were laughing over something that happened to them a few years ago. It kind of hit me in that moment, when I was very much on the outside looking in, that I may never have that. My years of building years worth of memories with the same girlfriends has passed.

I will be moving away from here in a year or so, ish, sometime... and in a few more years these women will only vaguely recall the redhead that was part of their book group once. They might even have a "What-was-her-name?" argument, if I'm lucky enough to be remembered.

This will be repeated until we retire and settle someplace. Then I will be in an age group where the women have long since settled into their friendships, with years worth of memories and inside jokes between themselves -and though I'm sure I'll find some group or other to welcome me, it won't quite be the same as if I had been there all along.

But maybe that's a good thing? Maybe by then I'll be a bit more polished. A bit more polite. A bit more like the person I want to be. Maybe all my social awkwardness will have shed itself by then, and I won't do or say things that will rub people the wrong way. Maybe? Maybe??

Any other military spouses feel like this?

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