Thursday, August 29, 2013

i'd rather be a tree than a dandelion.

Yesterday morning was the first morning that started this new life we're living in. I kissed Hubs good-bye, then sat down in my chair and cried. my. eyes. out. Sometimes it's just hard facing a whole new future, knowing it'll be three years long and then I'll get to start it all over again (x3) before I'll finally find myself in a place where I can put down some roots.

I long for roots. Instead I'm that little puff of white that blows in the winds of summer.

I've found the grocery stores that I like, and I know where I need to go to get the better prices on the things I routinely purchase.

The walls are all painted.

My new floors are installed.

Everything (mostly) has a home.

I'm "settled" as they say, as far as the things go, and that's a great feeling. I'm also three time zones away from my nearest and dearest. I can't just pick up a phone and dial, and that is hard. There is no hopping in a car and being there in a day or a day and a half. I've lived away from home for years now, so I'm not sure why this homesickness is hitting me so hard, but it comes in waves that leave me sitting in my chair and wiping the tears off my face.

The Pirate crawled up in my lap, concern etched into his sweet little face. "Momma okay? Momma hurt?" I kissed him, and told him I was fine, I just needed to cry for a minute. His big blue eyes watched me for a minute with one little hand on my shoulder, the other on my arm. Then he extended the invitation that could obviously make it all better: "Do you want to play trains with me?" With three days worth of dishes taking over the kitchen, I just couldn't accept the invitation. Plus, I can only spend so many hours in a week playing trains and I'm pushing that limit. So, I hugged him. "No, Sweetheart. Momma needs to do the dishes."

"Okay. Go do dishes." He gently pulled and pushed me out of the chair. "Go do dishes."he ordered.

You know, this little boy is exactly what I need. I believe that yesterday God put it into his little heart to be extra kind and obedient and to gently push me out of my pity-party and on with life. I know we were sent here to this place for a reason, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't to spend my days crying in a chair. I'm pretty sure that's not the work He has for me here.

And while I might not get to root down in one location, at least these bonds with my family are as strong as they ever were, and more so.


Laurie said...

I love the analogy! Sometimes I wish I was more of a dandelion than a tree... But then I think about it for a minute and then I'm not so sure! I can't wait to hear about all your new adventures, though. You're so great at finding new friends. Good friends, not just acquaintances. I wish I was more like that!

jenny said...

I feel ya, Heather. This move has been hard on me too, in terms of homesickness. I just want to be with those I love. I also desperately want to put down roots here, but knowing that I'm moving in 2.5 yrs is so hard for me to accept. My heart hurts with yours.