a day in the life

*warning: this is super long and probably only interesting to me, and possibly my mom and aunt merrilee.*

Sometime between 3:30 and 4:00 Hubby leans over my body to kiss my cheek, mutter a prayer, and say good-bye. I manage an "I love you. Have fun." He's off to the forrest to slay wild beasts aka turkey season just opened.

L. Pirate, right on cue, begins crying at 5:30. I'm still sleeping as I peel myself from my bed to fix a bottle and transfer him to my bed, where he snuggles into my body as though he never left it and I try to will myself back to dreamland. I half succeed. L. Pirate laughs out loud in his sleep, and then I'm fully awake. As my window turns pink, I watch him sleep. Smile and sleep.

I tip-toe out to the living room to grab my book, and then carefully slide back in next to him and I read while he sleeps. Finally he rolls over and peeks at me through sleep-puffed eyes. He shows me his teeth in a smile, and begins the "Eye, ear, nose" game. After a few minutes he announces "Show!"

"Ba-Zoo" he specifies, "Ba-Zoo!" as we make our way to the living room. Ba-Zoo means he wants to watch Barney Let's Go to the Zoo. I turn on his show, change his diaper, bring him a bowl of cereal... our usual morning routine. Meanwhile I pour myself some cereal, and check email and go back to my book...

Then I remember the children's clothing sale that ends today. I get L. Pirate dressed, and then go to get myself dressed. One look in the mirror reminds me my hair did not get washed yesterday. I hit repeat on the Barney episode, but Netflix has decided to quit working, again. I glance around the house with L. Pirate eyes and decide it's safe enough to try a quick shower.

I always time warp in the shower, so I chant to myself Hurry, hurry. He could be into something. Hurry. As I slather the shampoo in my hair. I'm only half done when he slams open the bathroom door and pulls back the shower curtain. His pants have fallen off his body, and he sticks his little leg over the edge of the tub to join me. I take his shirt and diaper off and let him in with me. At least I know where he is and what he's doing.

I can't find his shoes. I can find one of each and every shoe he owns, but not the mate to any of them. Finally, under three days worth of clothes in the bathroom, I dig up his other Croc.

It took an hour, but we're ready to head out the door. When I go to put him in his car seat he throws a royal fit. He alternates between arched back and noodle body, screaming his head off the whole time. I decide a nap is in order instead. He's even more angry when he realizes he just traded the chance to go somewhere for his nap.

Instead of cleaning up the house, I read some more. I can clean later. I'll have time.

After the nap, I whisk him into the car, and drive across town to the sale. By the time I get there I have exactly 27 minutes to flip through the sale wracks. I come up with three shirts, a pair of Wranglers, and a pair of church shoes for $20. Not as much as I wanted, but just enough to have made the rush and the drive worth it.

We go straight to the baby shower on the other side of town that begins at noon. After a diaper change in the car, I manage to be 10 minutes early, which was my goal. I end up ordering before most people are even there because we're rounding on towards another nap time -and I don't like having a child in melt-down mode while I have to wait for the server to get a check ready, etc.

I visit with a new to the area girl, while L. Pirate eats and entire grilled cheese (minus the crust) and half of the avocados from my Cobb salad -minus meat. He alternates between coloring with the green crayon and trying to eat it. He crumples the paper and pushes it off the table. Then he's driving his car off the table, over and over. He's been very good and very patient, but it is reaching it's limits, so I say my good-byes and get home in time to put him down for nap number two.

I intend to nap as well, but I make a mistake in bringing my book with me to read for just a minute. I never do sleep.

We both get up and I decide it's time to finally dig into the housework that needs to be done. Naturally my little helper makes the process three times slower than it could be. I only mind a little. Then it hits me: I didn't take my test!

I decide to employ the help of that obnoxious purple dinosaur yet again. Only Netflix still isn't working. So I go to a DVD version I have, unfortunately it isn't the Zoo one. Apparently L. Pirate is only interested in the Zoo one. I leave him on the couch, and dash back to the office to login to take my test.

Fourteen minutes later I emerge from the bedroom to find a half naked little boy playing in his poop. At least he's not eating it. I leave the diaper and poop ball on the floor and march him to the bathroom, holding his wrists out so he can't smear it on my walls or anywhere else. I pick him up and let him straddle my leg at the sink -forgetting that he hasn't been wiped. That's right, now I'm covered in it too. I leave him dangling at the sink, happily playing in the water, to grab the wipes and take care of his bum from a new angle. When he's all cleaned up I set him down so I can wash my own hands. He goes straight to the toilet and splashes in the water with both his hands. Urgh! We have to start all over again!

I strip my pants off, and carry my naked boy down the hall in my underwear. I get a fresh diaper on his bum and then go about cleaning up the poop mess, feeling very grateful that he took a sudden interest in his blocks.

We finish off the afternoon doing our usual afternoon things. Dancing together in the living room, playing with his blocks and puzzles and reading books. We wrestled on the floor for awhile and then I went about making dinner.

I grab a towel for his bath, and lay out a clean diaper and pajamas. Then I fix a plate for him and one for myself and call him to the table. He notices right away that I have salsa and he doesn't. He holds his little finger out pointing to my chips, which I coat in salsa and had over. He sucks all the salsa and salt off the chip, sets it on his tray then asks for another. Every time he drops a black bean it makes a little black trail down his belly and he says, "uh-oh." He looks like a little bearded harry man. "Uh-oh!"

In the bath he splashes, and sucks on the wash cloth, and admires his reflection on the faucet. He kicks and screams when it's time to get out. I ask if he'd like to brush his teeth. His cries turn to giggles and "yeah! yeah!" in half of a second.

Before bed he eats half a banana and a few handfuls of frozen peas -his new favorite snack.

At seven-thirty-ish I fix another bottle. He choses The Little Blue Truck again then we read from My First Book of Mormon, say prayers, sing a song, and I put him in his crib. He reaches for Cow and wraps him in his right arm. I fill the diffuser and the humidifier, turn his nigh light - the swimming "pishes"- on. "Good-night my little love boy. Momma loves you."

Then I go on a picking up toys, clothing, books, and garbage spree. Cleaning unencumbered.

Then I grab my computer to record this beautiful day, and my book so I can finish it before bed.