its all about love

This summer I have begun to take back my life.

Somehow, somewhere along the way I lost the 

Girl-I-Was.

And if the Girl-I-Am was better than the Girl-I-Was, 

it wouldn't have mattered.

However, it was not the case.

The Girl-I-Was was 

unafraid. self-confident. capable. quick to laugh. slow to cry.

She had no qualms with trying new things, or traveling to new places.

Worry did not weigh on her. 

She had goals.

She knew everything she wanted from life

and was out to get it.

Every last drop of it.

She was genuine. real. and so, so happy.

She never had to pretend anything.

Then, something happened.

I'm not totally sure how it came about.

But slowly, so so slowly

Fear started coming in and taking over.

It whispered lies like

you aren't good enough. you can't do it. you aren't smart enough.

you aren't anything special. you are a failure. 

It started to point out every mistake I made 

big ones and little ones

it said, see? See? 

And slowly I started to believe Fear.

I thought yes, yes -Fear you are right.

I made those mistakes. You must be right.

And then Fear took over even more.

It invited it's friend Worry, too.

And then emotionally and spiritually and physically

I began to unravel.

Luckily I felt myself unraveling.

I sat myself down and had a real good THINK.

I remembered the Girl-I-Was

and asked myself

Where did she go??

That was at the start of the summer.

And one good THINK led to several good THINKS

and I think I've got it figured out.

It all comes down to love.

Everything boils down to love.

It is the all that matters.

and because i am the way i am

i need a place to write out all this stuff

to keep my balance

to process what i've learned

so please forgive the next handful of posts

i hafta write it all out.