Wednesday, August 13, 2008

its all about love

This summer I have begun to take back my life.
Somehow, somewhere along the way I lost the 
Girl-I-Was.
And if the Girl-I-Am was better than the Girl-I-Was, 
it wouldn't have mattered.
However, it was not the case.

The Girl-I-Was was 
unafraid. self-confident. capable. quick to laugh. slow to cry.
She had no qualms with trying new things, or traveling to new places.
Worry did not weigh on her. 
She had goals.
She knew everything she wanted from life
and was out to get it.
Every last drop of it.
She was genuine. real. and so, so happy.
She never had to pretend anything.

Then, something happened.
I'm not totally sure how it came about.
But slowly, so so slowly
Fear started coming in and taking over.
It whispered lies like
you aren't good enough. you can't do it. you aren't smart enough.
you aren't anything special. you are a failure. 
It started to point out every mistake I made 
big ones and little ones
it said, see? See? 
And slowly I started to believe Fear.
I thought yes, yes -Fear you are right.
I made those mistakes. You must be right.

And then Fear took over even more.
It invited it's friend Worry, too.
And then emotionally and spiritually and physically
I began to unravel.
Luckily I felt myself unraveling.

I sat myself down and had a real good THINK.
I remembered the Girl-I-Was
and asked myself
Where did she go??

That was at the start of the summer.
And one good THINK led to several good THINKS
and I think I've got it figured out.

It all comes down to love.
Everything boils down to love.
It is the all that matters.

and because i am the way i am
i need a place to write out all this stuff
to keep my balance
to process what i've learned
so please forgive the next handful of posts
i hafta write it all out.

6 comments:

Laurie said...

Don't apologize! If you found a way to be happy, please share!!! I think we all struggle with those two menaces, Fear and Worry!

xoxo said...

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://talkingtails.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/800px-maslows_hierarchy_of_needssvg.png%3Fw%3D399%26h%3D266&imgrefurl=http://talkingtails.wordpress.com/2007/07/23/maslow-greek-philosophy-indian-mysticism/&h=524&w=800&sz=147&tbnid=ONkXJi1FwAIJ::&tbnh=94&tbnw=143&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhierarchy%2Bof%2Bneeds&hl=en&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=1&ct=image&cd=1

I agree with you 100%. In fact, love is one of the levels of Maslow's heirarchy of needs. Before you can have self-esteem, confidence, respect of others, respect of self, you must have love. I added the link in case you're interested. I have a feeling you are not the first person to have thunk these thoughts.... xo

Kaylea P Photography said...

You're so cute. You'll always be the same wonderful Heather to me.

Erica said...

well can i just say that you are someone that Shelby looks up to and this post confirms it! I am grateful that she has someone like you to be an example for her - even from far away! I love you.

Laura and Jimmy said...

:) it seems a lot of people are having those emotions lately. myself included. i appreciate you thoughts, it can help me figure out my own.

Amy said...

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Totally true.