i should have slept, but i didn't.
i read.
a book about life.
the slow and steady pace of life.
the patterns.
the circles.
the endless search for oneself.
she ended at peace with it all.
it made me ask questions.
deep, probing ones.
i feel like i'm missing something.
something i lost.
something i forgot about.
something i was supposed to do.
something i was supposed to be.
i went for a walk.
i pass little girls in their swimsuits.
i pass men working on cars.
i pass a woman on a blanket.
she's playing with her baby.
he's cute. chubby. dimpled. cooing.
and there it is.
motherhood.
i look away.
i walk faster.
there are roses to look at.
pink ones.
yellow ones.
red ones.
everyone seems to have roses.
i seem to be a master at self-distraction.
but i'm not.
