When we moved into our Utah ward this question was much akin to a knife in my heart. Since my face has always been what my friends and family call "an open book" I am sure that the person asking saw the flinch and the tears that would suddenly pool in my eyes. I'd just have to shake my head in reply because the knot in my throat would normally prevent speaking. And as if it wasn't obvious in my reaction some of those people would just have to self-righteously poke further. "Don't you want kids?" Meaning, you really shouldn't be procrastinating having children the way you are. It's selfish. (Really, I wanted to try out my ninja moves on these people, or at least give them a nice earful of my anger, but I always held steady. For this I seriously deserve some kind of award.)
Fast forward to now, in this new ward. We've been asked that question, that still hated question multiple times and each time I have successfully held back the tears, the knot has stayed in my stomach, and I have been able to even smile when I say, "Not yet."
Pretty good, don't you think?
Plus, I have no idea what day I'm on. I have successfully not counted once this entire month. But everyday I am fighting the urge. I say to myself fight, fight! And then I think of Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail punching at the air as she tries to save her business. *Sigh* I love that movie.
Other side notes:
Biggest Loser last night. Did you watch? I said "Holy Crap" and "Wow." Like 70 times. And I totally cried when the yellow team was in the limo 'cause I felt bonded with that father/ daughter duo in like 3 seconds flat. I mean, the love that man has for his little girl just radiates -and I've totally got a soft spot for daddies and daughters being a daddy's girl myself. Also the little mama in orange -how cute is she?? I know it's a little early to tell, but I think she's my favorite so far. And there again -a parent's love. You know she agreed to do the show for the sake of her son. That is love and courage and I so respect that.
American Idol is starting what, next week?? I'm curious about this season. When I've seen the previews I've kinda been like: meh. I'm not a fan of all the people who make idiots out of themselves for the sake of getting on t.v.
And if you're wondering about the answer to yesterday's question: Sam was right.
Have a nice day people!