Wednesday, January 6, 2010

proof that i am doing better & some other side notes...

We've been to our new ward twice now. A new ward automatically means that we're going to be asked that question we really hate -not once, not twice, but multiple times. You know the question it starts with: Do you and ends with: have kids? Yeah, that one.

When we moved into our Utah ward this question was much akin to a knife in my heart. Since my face has always been what my friends and family call "an open book" I am sure that the person asking saw the flinch and the tears that would suddenly pool in my eyes. I'd just have to shake my head in reply because the knot in my throat would normally prevent speaking. And as if it wasn't obvious in my reaction some of those people would just have to self-righteously poke further. "Don't you want kids?" Meaning, you really shouldn't be procrastinating having children the way you are. It's selfish. (Really, I wanted to try out my ninja moves on these people, or at least give them a nice earful of my anger, but I always held steady. For this I seriously deserve some kind of award.)

Fast forward to now, in this new ward. We've been asked that question, that still hated question multiple times and each time I have successfully held back the tears, the knot has stayed in my stomach, and I have been able to even smile when I say, "Not yet."

Pretty good, don't you think?

Plus, I have no idea what day I'm on. I have successfully not counted once this entire month. But everyday I am fighting the urge. I say to myself fight, fight! And then I think of Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail punching at the air as she tries to save her business. *Sigh* I love that movie.

Other side notes:

Biggest Loser last night. Did you watch? I said "Holy Crap" and "Wow." Like 70 times. And I totally cried when the yellow team was in the limo 'cause I felt bonded with that father/ daughter duo in like 3 seconds flat. I mean, the love that man has for his little girl just radiates -and I've totally got a soft spot for daddies and daughters being a daddy's girl myself. Also the little mama in orange -how cute is she?? I know it's a little early to tell, but I think she's my favorite so far. And there again -a parent's love. You know she agreed to do the show for the sake of her son. That is love and courage and I so respect that.

American Idol is starting what, next week?? I'm curious about this season. When I've seen the previews I've kinda been like: meh. I'm not a fan of all the people who make idiots out of themselves for the sake of getting on t.v.

And if you're wondering about the answer to yesterday's question: Sam was right.

Have a nice day people!


Kristina P. said...

I'm glad you're doing better. The kids question is such a tricky one.

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

I ended up finally coming up with an answer that eliminated further probing.

Place smile on face. Then say,
"The Lord has not blessed us yet, but we keep praying."

They can respond with "Oh." Because it does subtly remind the offender that not everyone is blessed with being fertile Myrtle.
Sometimes they will then say "I'll pray for you too." Which hey, I'll take it, because everyone benefits from prayer.

Thank you so very much for your feedback regarding videos. I am going to try to keep them under 3 minutes and will also continue to have traditional posts too. Your insput was MUCH appreciated.

Suzanne said...

Ah, yes! I remember that question. It's hard, but remember that they didn't wake up in the morning and think "what careless question can I ask today, so that I may offend?" Well, maybe some people do that. We have 1 daughter and just found out that we cannot have anymore children. News we have not made public in the ward. I get asked "baby?" or "how's the adoption going?" which I chuckle at those questions because if something was happening, I would have a baby. And thanks for the weekly reminder that feels like salt in the wound.

Wait until ALL the women are pregnant except you in your ward. Yeah, that happened to me, felt like I should stamp a big ol'reject sign on my forhead.

Wow, I'm rambling. My point is, and I do have one, God has a plan for you and your children. Doesn't matter what others time frame is, just His. So, enjoy the journey. I don't know your circumstance, but I have shared with you mine. And may I add, that I look forward to my Millenial babies and children! And my Millenial body to have them. He he! -Suzanne

Camille and Luke said...

Yep I know just that you mean! I get asked that all the time.... I live in Idaho.... In fact in the baby making capital of the world. I get it ALL THE TIME! "How long have you guys been married?" "Two Years!" "So How many kids do you have?" "Ummm, we don't have any, but thanks for asking!" Love it. It sounds like you know just how to answer it tho. If you ever need to talk about let me know. Heck if you need a good laugh about it I have a few good stories, :) Good luck!!!

mydarlingfirecracker (at)

Sam said...

Yay I won :) No really though... I remember that question. I used to respond with something in kind to what Laura mentioned, that we hadn't been blessed with any but that we were hoping and praying. At the very least it didn't make me want to bite their heads off because I was trying to invite the Spirit. It also provided an opportunity for others to provide support and encouragement, especially if they had dealt with the same thing. I'm glad you are doing better. That is a big improvement to not want to ball at the word "baby." You are awesome.

Jessica said...

LOL!! I love the comment about the ninja! My aunt and Uncle have been trying to have a baby also, and they are challenged with the same questions in their ward. People can be very insensitive. My aunt I think said at one time that she might wear a chalkboard with the following words around her neck:

"NO I don't have kids, and I am not pregnant. I would like to be, I've been trying for 4 years. Please don't ask me anymore about it."

LOL!!! Love her.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Still have boxes lying around?
Moving bites.
The kids question is hard.
I usually let the other person tell me whether or not they have kids.
Or I am just observant...sometimes you don't need to ask, just ask the person about them, what job they have, what they do, why they moved her...sometimes the kids thing might come out...

Glad U are back! Your title is amazing! Goddess in progress, quite clever actually!

wendy said...

The Tuesday confessional was funny.

I am sure you get tired of hearing that question. I am sorry.
I hope you will like your new ward -- I find sometimes living outside of Utah can be a little uplifting, as I have always found people a little less judgmental and "narrow" and really make you feel like they are there for you.
That has been my experience anyway.

Rachel Sue said...

I like Laura's answer. When my SIL struggled with this she would have her never serious give an infertility spiel. He would make up all kinds of medical crap and the amount of times they were asked dropped dramatically!

And, honestly, if you did pull out the ninja moves I think you would be totally justified!

Laurie said...

You've Got Mail is a classic!!

Amy said...

Thinking of you today and thought I would stop by and say "Hi".

People can be so oblivious. I wish they would pause before they spoke.

Hope you had a wonderful day.

Kimberly said...

I loved Biggest Loser last night. I'm a daddy's girl myself. :) I also LOVE You've Got Mail. So good.
As for people and their questions...ugh! I'm sorry! But I am glad you are feeling sort of *better* about it. :)

Queen "B" said...

Aloha, I dropped in via Bakow Babble, loved your post, especially your honesty!! Listen you go girl and let your light shine! you are obviously a beacon or people would not be drawn to you. But there is the ever so nosey, I have no life person, who just doesn't have any social graces what so ever Just wow them with who you are not what you have or don't have, Just Shine babe. Wow sorry, my comments just poured out,
from a loving sister far across the sea

Shell in your Pocket said...

Biggest Loser always amazes me...what they lose!
sandy toe

Chelsea Talks Smack said...


Ambrosia said...

Amber, thank you for posting this. I am sure I ask that insensitive question far too often. So, from such a person, let me give you the reason: it is my way of getting to know a person.

But, I have far too many friends who have struggled with infertility. Thus, I have started asking better questions: what is your name again? Yep. Then, I don't sound insensitive I just sound like a dork. : )

Ambrosia said...

Oh my gosh, I just realized I called you Amber. So sorry! I was thinking about another person as I was writing that post. Argh. Chalk another one up to being a big fat dork.