Tuesday, March 29, 2011

i never promised you a rose garden

Last week was pretty much a week from Hell for me. Shots, on top of sick, on top of teething equated to pretty much a solid week of no sleep for me, and little sleep for the babe. On top of the demands of physical therapy, on top of the fact that he's become a little Explorer and the house is yet to be baby proofed, on top of the fact that both grandparents were home all weekend, which meant that he got whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it... Add this all up and it combined into the perfect, miserable, rotten day yesterday.

Aside from May of the year that I quit teaching, I have never felt more run down, worn out, stretched, and beaten down. Pretty much, all I could think of was how I'm totally failing as a mother. How things need to change, but I don't have the energy or know-how to change them. Pretty much the Devil was sitting on my shoulder whispering all kinds of things about myself that are both truth and lie.

I really, really needed someone to talk to, but my phone was completely out of minutes. I mentally started going through all my local friends. Who could I go to? Who was there who could help me get through the day? Who could have something for me? And every single name that I could come up with, couldn't help me. One has sick kids. One has company in town. One is in the hospital. One works. My I-Feel-Okay-Calling-and-Asking-For-Help List is pretty short.

Then, I got on face book. And this sweet girl posted a quote that stopped me in my tracks. It was exactly and perfectly what I needed. I wrote it out and stuck it on my wall. Then I checked my email, and this girl had written to check up on me. Today, while I am better -I'm still feeling a little fragile. I was feeling a little down for being so dang needy, then I saw that this girl posted this, and I am feeling incredibly grateful for my Blog Friends. They have come to my rescue more than once.

I began this blog 4 years ago because I felt inspired/ prompted to do so. I've always assumed it was because, perhaps people could be lifted somehow by my life, by knowing that they're not the only ones who don't have it all together, but I see now that it was mostly for me, for my benefit, for my learning, for my growth, for my sanity.

So, thank you. Really, thank you.

I did manage some sleep last night, which makes a wondrous difference, but I am still running on low. I'm so, so glad that it's General Conference weekend because I NEED it!!

Love to you all!


The Turner Family said...

Your week sounds very similar to mine! I am so glad to hear I am not the only one! Thanks for your blog!

Cannwin said...

Oh, now I feel better from reading your blog. It's a cycle!

And whenever you need somewhere to go, I'm just an email away. I like getting emails too so it's a win-win!

Rachel Sue said...

It's hard with a babe. And my dear, I love you too. I hope it gets easier soon!

And really, cut yourself some slack. I mean it. You are doing great and not failing as a mother. I promise.

angieinpink said...

♥ you heather. life without sleep is hard. you are doing an awesome job. seriously, if i can ever help, don't hesitate to call & i mean it!