Tuesday, October 11, 2011

an explanation for behavior i'm about to exhibit

Thanks Raisons Brass Band for the image

In sixth grade I decided I wanted to play the clarinet. Well, that's what I insisted to my mother. I think I was more intrigued by the idea of getting out of my regular classroom and regular classwork. Also, it just so happened that my best friend Gloria was also a clarinet player -and that *may* have had a little something to do with it as well. Since my motivation wasn't centered on a sincere desire to master the clarinet, I was always a weak link in the band. 

My mom can listen to a piece of music and pick out each individual instrument, and tell you which notes they are playing. I have never had this gift -which might be another explanation for my weak-linky-ness. 

Using the band, and my clarinet skills (that never did develop) as an analogy -I've realized something recently. (I'm going to go ahead and attribute it to living in this teeny tiny hotel room with the flame red countertop.)

Here it is: I can suddenly hear myself

Let me see if I can explain this a little more clearly. If I am the clarinet, and blogging has been the sax section, and cable t.v. has been the drum section, and facebook has been the trumpet section, and day to day business and chores has been the trombone section, and church things have been the flute section... well I've been so focused on everybody else's noise that I forgot to listen for myself. Honestly, I wasn't even completely aware I was playing.

But I am.

And suddenly I am having this strong desire to kick out about half to a third of everybody in this band. And possibly the entire trumpet section, because I never did like the trumpets to begin with. I'm having this desire to focus on my own music. Not anybody else's -no matter how beautiful and inspiring theirs may be.

I want some alone time. And by alone I mean, quiet time, with my family, with the Lord, with the simple basics of living. Because being in this teeny tiny room has forced it upon me, and I'm so glad it has because this kind of life, this simplicity, this quietness is so, so nice.

I have all I could ever need, and I'm done -at least for now- with looking for more.


Amanda Joy said...

Love this post! Thanks for writing and posting it.

Laurie said...

I hear ya! On days that I stay off the computer, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted!

Laurie said...

I made it easier for you by taking you off my Facebook. :) I took everyone off that I can keep in better touch with in other ways.

I still keep the account, mostly for my nieces... But otherwise, I'm slowly distancing myself from Facebook.

Aunt Merrilee said...

Well I will miss your posts. Will you still do this blog? This means we will have to talk more on the phone and skype! Hope all goes well with graduation tomorrow and the trip home.. Call me while you are traveling if you want to talk. Will see you in three weeks. I can't wait.. Hugs and kisses to the boys!!