Friday, May 6, 2011

my road to motherhood part 4

The night that we received the picture text message of my Sister-in-Law's beautiful, prefect little girl was a difficult one for me. I cried. I couldn't help it. And I prayed.

I told Heavenly Father that  "I know that the Lord giveth no bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I pointed out that I had done all that I knew to do. 

I told Him that if I still had things to learn from this trial, that I accepted His will, but if not, I asked Him to show me how to receive my sincere and righteous desire for a child.

His response was clear in my mind: Stop eating yeast. It seemed strange to me, but I obeyed.
Within two months, I was pregnant.

I had a feeling I was. I remember heading to the store for an EPT. In the store I had talked myself into waiting until the next morning before taking it. I'd been excited and disappointed so many times by then, I told myself it was just waiting for a disappointment. 
As I pulled into our garage, I grabbed the box, pulled out the test, and went straight to the bathroom, leaving milk and eggs and frozen peas in the trunk of the car. 

The blue plus symbol was visible right away. I didn't know what that meant. I ran back across the house to consult the box. There it was, a plus sign indicated a pregnancy. I ran back to the bathroom to double check the test. There it was, a positive. I grabbed my phone, dialed Hubby and got his answering machine. I hung up and dialed Kemra. By the time she answered the phone, I was crying.

I was happy. I was excited. I was grateful. I was scared. Terrified actually. "I thought I was ready!" I told her, "But I'm not. I'm not ready. I can't lose another one. I just can't!"

I got myself together before Hubby got home that day, and I met him at the door with the two tests in my hands. Yes, I took another one just to make double sure. He hugged me tight. He was excited. 

The months passed. I tried to distract myself from my fears of another miscarriage. I felt gratitude for the continual nausea. And, then when the nausea ended I could feel the baby moving inside me, and I knew I was going to get to have this baby. And we did.

This Mother's Day I'll be sitting in the pew all glowy. I'll probably be distracted by baby smiles and baby toes -and I'll miss most all of the talks. When the youth hand out the plants or flowers or candy bars I'll feel like I actually deserve it. The only bittersweetness to this day will be that Hubby won't have his arm wrapped around me, and his hand won't be holding mine -but we won't dwell on these things because they interfere with our complete gratitude for our little "Unleavened Baby" for miracles and for the tender mercies of the Lord. 

May you all have a Wonderful Mother's Day. 

And if not this year, I hope for you the next, or the next. 

"Some blessings come soon, and some don't come until Heaven, but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ -they come." -Jeffery R Holland.

Love to you all.



Amanda Joy said...

I think you are amazing! I am glad that you will have the Mother's Day you desire, because you have a little pirate that adores you. Happy Mother's Day:)

Maranda Whittle said...

Happy Mother's Day!! I love that quote by Jeffery R Holland.

Rachel Sue said...

This may sound funny, but this is such a testimony to me of the power of personal revelation. Stop eating yeast? Who in a million years would know to stop eating yeast to get pregnant? Apparently, the Lord. That is so amazing. I am so happy for you!

Cynthia said...

Thank you for sharing your story! What a faith building experience, that has brought you such a beautiful little boy and of course much joy and happiness.

Reading this has helped me with the feeling I have been struggling with as I have recovered from a recent miscarriage. I am blessed to have three beautiful/wonderful little boys - and as I move past this trial, I enjoying and finding joy in the children I have...knowing someday there will be more children in our home (My oldest told me we would have a baby next year...a girl named Bobby Flay, he is obessed with the Food Network).

Laurie said...

I'm tearing up here. Heather, you're such a great mother and woman. I'm so glad Heavenly Father decided to give you your precious little one! Happy Mother's Day!!!

Meganis said...

love you woman! So glad we get to celebrate together this year :)

p.s. unleavened baby? so hilarious/cute. i love it.

Kaylynn said...

Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for sharing Elder Holland's quote--one of my all time favorites! I am so thankful you arms are full, after many years of them being empty!