Wednesday, November 16, 2011

the fear monster has an ugly head.

"You are entitled to know that two entities... occupy the body of each living person... One of these entities is motivated by and responds to the impulse of fear. The other is motivated by and responds to the impulse of faith..." -Napoleon Hill in Outwitting the Devil.

About 4 to 5 years ago regular anxiety attacks plagued my life. It took quite a lot of effort to release myself from their hold on me. It was prayer. It was temple attendance. It was exercise. It was eating right. It was refusing to feed fear, refusing to give any energy whatsoever to thoughts based in worry, doubt, and/ or fear.

Recently the attacks have started up again. Full force.

I am not sure why these anxiety attacks have pushed their way in once again. It could have something to do with the fact that I have given into chocolate since the pregnancy. (Sugar is a trigger of mine, no doubt about it.) It could have something to do with the fact that it has been years now since I've spent time in the temple. (I am ashamed.) It could be that now that the Babe is walking n' stuff I am constantly on the lookout for things that could be potentially dangerous. (Worry.) But, whatever the reason:

Fear is not welcome in my life.

And yet, it doesn't go willingly for me. I have to battle it.

In the meantime:
So very grateful for a loving a supportive Hubby, a loving a supportive family, and a blue-eyed pirate boy who, just like all the others, loves me as I am. And who recently has been using the word: Momma.


Amanda Joy said...

Anxiety rears it's ugly head for my husband as well. Now we are watching because Asher is showing tendencies of anxiety. We want to make sure we help him earlier than help was given to my husband. Matt's anxiety wasn't realized until right before his mission, now he knows how to help his little boy cope.

I am sorry you have to deal with this, and I hope that they lessen each passing day.

Jennie said...

I have had severe, constant anxiety once in my first semester of college. I totally wilted and I couldn't handle it. I had panic attacks literally almost daily and I was vastly overwhelmed by the tiniest things to do. It was AWFUL.

That being said, I am sooo impressed that you have learned to manage your anxiety and depend on the Lord to help you through it. I'm learning every day that I have to trust in the Lord and it is hard for me. So, so hard.

I am sorry that your anxiety attacks are coming back. They suck. But seriously, props to you for acknowledging it and being proactive about battling it. You are great!!

Aunt Merrilee said...

I wish I could help you overcome thse things. I can't imagine what you have been going through.And yes, you are lucky to have such a supportive hubby. He loves you very much. I feel bad if I have ever treated your fears in a flippant way. I would never knowingly cause you pain. But sometimes I can be sarcastic. I have learned this from my hubby!!! I am excited that the pirate is saying momma. He heard that a lot this past weekend. He probably thought he could say it too. He was precious as always! Glad you got to come and visit.