The twenty-year-old version of yours truly wanted to travel the world. By that point in time most all of my friends from my high school days, plus a few more had settled down to husbands and babies. At twenty I couldn't imagine being married so young! Having babies!! There were places to go and people to meet. I had a life to experience! The way I saw it, I had my whole life to be married and raising kids.
I could see the lives of my friends playing out the same way it did for their parents. You live in the same place forever, around the same people, feeding mouths, washing dishes, folding laundry, paying bills. Day in, day out for weeks, months, years... I tried to picture myself getting married, raising a family. I knew it would happen one day, but I just couldn't get past seeing the three-bedroom, two-bath that would house my life of endless monotony.
When I met and married Hubby, the life of a military wife was hugely attractive to me. It shattered the image of being "stuck" in one place. It meant I could be married and still see the world. It seemed adventurous and exciting.
The last couple days my facebook feed has been flooded with pictures of my friend's children. Children with missing teeth, getting baptized, performing at piano recitals, hitting that pre-teen phase. Children who the last time I saw them were still toddling around in diapers. Time flies. For me, this morning, it swooped in on the wings of a vulture, and pecked at my heart. I am missing my friends, I am missing their lives.
My twenty-year-old self had it all wrong. Life it not about seeing the world nor trying new things. It's about loving people.
One of my best friends here, a woman I never would have met without the military, is moving this month. I knew it was going to happen. Everyone in the military is always on a timeline, we come and go. A younger Heather believed that I could keep in touch with all of my friends. This slightly older Heather knows better. It kind of breaks my heart. I am 100% positive that if I we were to find ourselves in the same place again even 10 or 20 years from now, our friendship would pick up again easily and naturally -but I am tired of putting real friendships aside.
This girl who once upon a time wanted to roll with the wind and the waves, is ready for roots. Deep roots.
Obviously, I need to make an attitude adjustment. I think I'll begin a gratitude journal tonight. Yes, I think that is exactly what I'm going to be needing.