Thursday, March 19, 2015

So...

Sunday was a bit eventful.

I was supposed to finally give that talk that's been hanging over my head for a month. Hubs woke up sick, so I took Pirate with me and felt my anxiety rise by slow degrees as I drove to church. By the time we entered the chapel I was a nauseous, shaking wreck. AND... I tried to talk myself through it, and I tried to refocus, regroup, praying -praying... but you know, it seems those attacks start and end on their own... So instead of standing up to give my talk, I stood up and walked out, and drove the Pirate and myself home.

They knew I wasn't going to do it because I was sitting next to my friend who is the chorister and she let them know it wasn't going to happen a few minutes in advance. I felt bad, I still feel bad, and I'm really shaken this week about why and how anxiety has re-entered my life because I'd rid myself of it for a long, long time.

Sunday was also the day that my Little Man gave up on crawling. He now toddles everywhere he goes. He's a little wobbly still. He falls often, but stands back up and keeps going. Such a great example of the attitude I need to have about life. Try, try again.

Like with this talk.

Urgh.

Back to Little Man though. I love the his little personality. He's curious and into everything. He likes to be part of the party, but not the center of attention (which works out, since Pirate pretty much demands the spotlight). He likes to tease and my newest favorite thing -when he has something he knows I'm about to take away from him, he tries hiding it behind his back. It's so funny!

In other news:

The weather is warming up! Hubs texted me a couple weeks ago:

Just saw the first robin of spring! Thought you'd like to know.

My heart swelled. He knows me so well. Spring isn't on her way, she's here! There are green shoots in my flower bed, the snow is gone, and on Monday we enjoyed our first family dinner picnic style. We've resumed our afternoon family walks/ bike /stroller rides, but still hit and miss style since one day will be warm and the next not so much.

On the to do list today is laundry and dishes and it's time to sort clothes. These boys are both growing like crazy. A couple weeks ago there were two days when Pirate came home from school, ate a tiny snack, and then fell asleep for the rest of the night! I was thinking I needed to test his blood or take him to a doctor when he did it a second time, but I held off feeling like it might just be part of a growth spurt and sure enough, a week later all of his pants are about an inch or two short, and his snow boots are just a bit too tight.

So, anyway, time to sort clothes. That's the big project of my day.

I'm beginning to truly see the beauty of monotony.

4 comments:

Momza said...

First, thank you for sharing your anxiety struggle. I can totally see my self doing something like that; it's definitely a thought everytime I stand in front of a crowd.
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I appreciate your courage to share a truth about yourself that many of us also struggle with. So thank you.
As for your boys, well they're just the cutest and I'm SO glad Spring has Sprung where you are! We got some snow here yesterday and today it's nothin' but blue skies. ♥

Whitney @ Southern Hope said...

I've suffered from anxiety too in a different form. Mine is more of a terrified someone is going to die, a car is going to hit us, my dog is going to die, sometimes even graphic or super sad things. idk the causes of anxiety, but it really is scary and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Hugs sweet friend!!!

Whitney @ Southern Hope said...

I've suffered from anxiety too in a different form. Mine is more of a terrified someone is going to die, a car is going to hit us, my dog is going to die, sometimes even graphic or super sad things. idk the causes of anxiety, but it really is scary and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Hugs sweet friend!!!

Laurie said...

I think it's totally understandable to cancel your talk when you're alone with your 4 year old!! You just gave someone else an opportunity to share their testimony. :)

I'm so happy spring is here, as well. We actually had a really mild winter. But spring is still a happy time!